John Knox Village

The only time I saw my Father-in-Law without a tie was when he was on the golf course. He was a highly respected law and business professional. He also served on major boards, represented clients in the Supreme Court, had a lovely family and drove a Chevy Nova.

My Mother-in-Law drove a Cadillac. I once inquired with him why he drove such an economy car. He replied, “What would my client’s say if I drove up in some fancy car?” My response was, “Dad, they know what they are paying for – you.”

He was a careful man, the son of a minister who worked hard for everything they had. He always was working, even after heart surgeries and ultimately a stroke. Even then, he had a driver take him to the office where his name adorned the front entrance. He was remarkable and always giving as a pillar of the Church. He created a university out of a small college. My Father-in-Law loved me so much that when I divorced his son, he helped me obtain a scholarship to that university, where I earned my master’s degree. He would take me with his couples golfing friends to the Asheville Country Club in North Carolina for a week of golfing. And I went – alone, no husband, just me and them.

After that, I had to forge ahead on my own. I found a remarkable job that combined everything I loved. It was a new construction retirement community with the most reputable non-profit organization in the Chicago area. I was able to work with floor plans, decorating, watching the creation and meeting lots of people. Little did I realize, I was actually working with people seeking a long-term plan, sort of like a long-term insurance policy. When prospects moved to this community, there were not only getting a great place to live, they were also benefiting from Life Care.

Over the years, I kept in touch with my Father-in-Law. However, while I was working to better my career, he was experiencing his own set of health issues. With my ex-husband not a fan, there was no way my Father-in-Law wanted to hear about my fabulous retirement community.

When my Mother-in-Law passed away at age 69, Dad moved to a condo. These were the latest craze real estate options located on Lake Michigan in our same northern suburb. It was known as “No Man’s Land” and catered to exactly Dad’s needs, except for one thing – it was a tri-level! It was absolutely gorgeous with the living room, dining area and kitchen as you entered, den and guest bedroom down five stairs and master bedroom suite up five stairs. It was both beautiful and horrible at the same time for the long-term plan and events that soon followed.

Dad was able to miraculously pull through despite suffering some serious health setbacks, including strokes. Ultimately, it would catch up with him. He was working tirelessly to recover walking, but was now in a wheelchair. He had an excellent male helper who would carry him up and down his stairs. The aide drove him to work and would accompany Dad on a golf cart at the club as he drove around the course just for relaxation. Despite his struggles, Dad truly was attempting to maintain an active, independent lifestyle.

My two Sisters-in-Law would stop by daily and help him with mail and other tasks. They were both working so they could not totally monitor the situation. Dad was not as sharp as he once was, but no one really felt the need to question him. He always was strong and definitely the patriarch of our family. He was awesome!

It was a total surprise that when he passed away, his estate was not really in order. In fact, he had given away a lot of money to the cleaning lady who had been with them, even when Mom was living. Somehow, she had gotten to him, and he felt sorry for her. For years, the family took legal action in the form of a lawsuit against her. When they finally won, the money was gone. She had used the money to pay for her daughter to attend Oxford.

What a sad story and one that plays out in numerous households today. We all know about Senior Scams. I hope that when people move into my community, we can help them avoid these through education. But, as we know, we are independent living. We do not monitor the residents in our community. We also do not wish to meddle into their personal business. We are available for them with educational opportunities. In addition, they have their friends who discuss these topics.

That did not stop one of my residents from recently receiving a call from a banker who claimed they had a problem with her grandson’s account. She immediately set out to send them $5,000. It was only through some luck that the money did not go through the wire transfer.

It happens, and I wish we could have done something for Dad. I wish we knew more about what was going on in the house. I wish he had moved to my retirement community (although it wasn’t built yet). I know even in my communities, we cannot help this type of thing. Without a doubt, in a continuing care retirement community, resident can refuse help in their homes from people who are not bonded employees of the community. There is no need for strangers coming in to clean or provide care. There is peace of mind for them and the family. To me, that makes sense.