I have loved all of my homes. They have been my identity. I have loved my gardens, and recently, when looking back at old photos that were placed on a disk from slides, it was a study of my hairdos, my homes and my yard projects. Obviously, the kids grew older, but the most fun was re-living the houses.
And what is it about women? I told my husband the other day that I have a ridiculous memory for every item in my house. I can virtually tell you when and where I bought every item in the house, what house I lived in when I got it, where it went in that house and any future locations, the store where I purchased each item and get this, the price. Sad and silly, but it is MY stuff, and I LOVE IT ALL.
Now we are downsizing, and I have a couple of entire rooms to get rid of items. What am I saying? How can anyone say “get rid of” my precious items? Yet, frankly they have to go, and I don’t really feel that bad.
My favorite author (at least recently) is Nora Ephron, as she is extremely hilarious and hits my generation. She was married to Carl Bernstein (“All the President’s Men”) until their divorce. She moved back to New York with her two children and found a fabulous, huge and unusual apartment to rent in a great area. The building had a cobble-stoned courtyard, but it had its problems with water pressure and such. She absolutely loved it. And it was rent-controlled!
As time went on, she became more successful. However, the rent control laws changed to say that if you made a certain income, you no longer qualified for rent-control. As the owners were making more money, they were fixing up the place by blacktopping over the cobblestones for the fancier cars of the tenants. Nora’s rent went up to $10,000 a month. She stayed another year. With planned increases over the next few years, she decided it was best not to stay.
Suddenly, Nora was “out of love” with her place. At this point, her children were grown, and she had a new husband. She was scared of a new location, new grocery story and smaller apartment. Nora worded it most poignantly when she said, “Within hours of moving in, I was home. I was astonished. I was amazed. And most of all, I was mortified. Why hadn’t I realized that what I thought of as love was simply my own highly developed gift for making lemonade?”
She admitted she will never “love” the new place, but times had changed and her needs were different.
That is exactly how I feel so many times talking to prospective residents for my retirement community. Many of them subconsciously realize that the time is right to make a move, but for some reason, are unable to pull it off. They may not have the incentive of a hefty rent increase, but there are times when something happens and they pick up the phone to investigate the possibility of an important and serious housing change. A decision that takes into consideration the maintenance of their home, increased sociability or the question of health care down the line.
To sum it all up, she has a great line at the end of my all-time favorite movie “When Harry Met Sally” with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. He finally asks her to marry him. She responded with the question, “When?”
Here is the line that he says: “When I decide to do something for the rest of my life, I want the rest of my life to start as soon as possible.”
That is what I say. Yes, you love your home - we all do. Yes, things are going along fine now. But will they forever, and what are you waiting for - the rent to increase? For a major crisis to occur? Make a plan for the rest of your life, and start the rest of your life as soon as possible. I cannot tell you how secure it will make you feel!
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